Maria & Tó – to laugh

In the midst of so many overwhelming news and comments, we have to laugh a little …

Relieve stress …!

Maria and Tó

Maria and Tó were admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

One day, during his usual walk, Tó jumped into the pool and immediately sank.

Maria quickly jumped into the pool and managed to save him.

When the director became aware of Maria’s heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be cured.

He sent for her and communicated to her: 

– I have good and bad news to communicate to you: The good news is that we are going to discharge you, as you have demonstrated your rational capacity to overcome a crisis situation, and save the life of a patient. Your act shows that you are recovered!

-The bad news is that Tó, after saving him, hanged himself in the bathroom with the robe belt, we are really sorry, but he is dead!

And Maria replied:

– He didn’t commit suicide, I hung it up to dry!

How many Presidents does a Queen last?

And, it’s still there for the curves …
Mom
How many Presidents does a Queen last?

Children ask questions whose answers, sometimes, are not easy …

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Donald Trump
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Barack Obama
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George W. Bush
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Bill Clinton
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George H. W. Bush
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Ronald Reagan
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Jimmy Carter
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Gerald Ford
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Richard Nixon
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John F. Kennedy
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Dwight D. Eisenhower
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Harry S. Truman
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… for me, she’s alkaline!

“Life is a play that does not allow rehearsals.
Therefore, sing, chore, dance, laugh and live intensely,
before the curtain closes and the play ends without applause. ”
Charles Chaplin

RACC

Message from husband:
Honey, I was run over when I was leaving the office. Maria took me to the hospital. I’ve had several analyzes and some X-rays. The head, despite taking a big blow, has no serious injuries. But I have 3 broken ribs, an open fracture in my left leg and most likely my right foot will be amputated.
Woman’s response:
Who is Maria?!

“Euthanasia” for young people

Last night my mother and I were sitting in the living room talking about things, and the subject of euthanasia came up (dying soon, without suffering, when you are hopeless …).

And I said:

“Look, mom, please; If one day this happens, never let me live in this vegetative state, dependent on machines and liquids … If you see me in that situation, immediately turn off the devices that keep me … in this artificial life: I’D RATHER DIE !.

Then, without saying anything, my mother stood up, looked at me with admiration and immediately hung up:

Th TV,

The DVD,

The INTERNET CABLE,

The PC,

The MP3 / 4,

The PLAYSTATION,

The PSP,

The WIRELESS,

The FIXED PHONE and The MOBILE PHONE

The IPOD,

The BLACKBERRY

AND REMOVED ALL COCA-COLAS AND BEERS FROM THE REFRIGERATOR, and threw them in the trash !!!

FUCK!… I ALMOST DIED!!!

Feissebuque

I’m currently trying to make friends outside of Facebook… but using the same principles.

Every day I go out on the street and for a few meters I accompany people and I explain to them what I ate, how I feel, what I did yesterday, what I’m going to do later, what I’m going to eat tonight and more.

I give them pictures of my wife, my children, my dog, mine in the garden, in the pool, and photos of what we did over the weekend.

I also walk behind people, a short distance away, I hear their conversations and then I approach and tell them that I “like” what I heard, I ask them for we to be friends and I also do some
comment on what I heard. Later, I share everything when I talk to other people.

It works…

I already have 3 people following me…

They are two policemen and a psychiatrist.

Lusitanian humor

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The problem about the chicken crossing the street…

… according to the opinion of illustrated thinkers of the past and present!

Why did the chicken cross the street?

Primary teacher

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“Because the chicken wanted to get across the street.”

Child

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“Because yes.”

Plato

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“Because it wanted to achieve Good.”

Aristotle

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“Because it’s the nature of the chicken to cross the street.”

Descartes

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“The chicken thought before crossing the street, therefore it is.”

Rousseau

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“Chicken by nature is good; it is society that corrupts you and takes you across the street. ”

Freud

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“Concern over the fact that the chicken has crossed the street is a symptom of sexual insecurity.”

Darwin

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“Over time, chickens have been selected naturally, so that, today, their genetic evolution has made them capable of crossing the street.”

Einstein

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“Whether the chicken crossed the street or whether the street moved towards the chicken, depends on the point of view … Everything is relative.”

Martin Luther King

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“I had a dream. I saw a world in which all free-range chickens can cross the street without questioning their motives. The chicken dreamed. ”

George W. Bush

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“We know that the chicken crossed the street in order to have its arsenal of weapons of mass destruction. So we had to eliminate the chicken. ”

Cavaco Silva

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“Why did you cross the street, it’s not important. What the country needs to know is that, with me, the chicken will have a favorable situation. I will not put barriers for the chicken to cross the street. ”

José Sócrates

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“My government was the one that built the most chicken runners. When I am re-elected, I will build chicken coops on either side of the street so that the chickens do not have to cross it. ”

Mario Soares

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“I already told the chicken to give up crossing the street! I’m going to cross! I will not give up because I know that the Portuguese want me to cross the street again !!! ”

Manuel Alegre

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“The chicken is free, it’s beautiful, something like that… with feathers! It crossed, crosses and will cross the street, because the wind shuts down disgrace, the wind says nothing to you! ”

Jerónimo de Sousa

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“It is the fault of the dominant, imperialist and bourgeois elites who intend to dominate the chickens, usurp their rights and annihilate their ability to cross the street, in the conquest of a better and more just socialist world!”

Francisco Louçã

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“Because it is necessary to say eye to eye that, just for the sake of racism, the chicken needs to cross the street to the other side. It is meanness to force the chicken across the street! ”

Valentim Loureiro

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“I challenge someone to prove that the chicken crossed the street. It’s a lie … !!! It’s all a lie !!! ”

Paulo Bento

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“The chicken crossed the street quietly… This is what we expected and this is what happened, very naturally. The chicken is still very young and these things pay dearly, with peace of mind !!! ”

Zézé Camarinha

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“Because it was the hitch! It’s a real male, it saw a camone chicken across the street and it didn’t forgive. It believed her!!! ”

And the blonde Lili Caneças …

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“Because it wanted to join the other mammals.”